Why I started eating meat again and how I let go of all labels

This is a post I have been meaning to get out for a long time now but it is also one that for some reason has been extremely hard to write almost like I am about to walk into a Catholic Church to confess this dreadful sin, which is kinda ironic because with the same hesitation I have about posting this I have posted recipes that use meat recently?! Yet this is like my final full out declaration that yes, I am, after four years eating meat again and I am somewhat terrified to admit it…

So here is my story: Why I started eating meat again and in turn how I rid myself of all labels.

This was not a decision that came lightly or easily for that matter. It was a huge internal struggle. Four years ago when I decided to stop eating meat that road came with so many labels and ones that I was actually (sadly) proud of. I had given up something that I truly believed was better for my health and in turn I was a better person for it (cringe).

When I decided to stop eating meat was when I was first started taking baby steps into the holistic health and wellness world, it was about a year before my Dad passed away and I was doing quite a large overhaul of my diet. At the time it was what I was meant to do, it was the starting point to where I am now, I was tuning into my body and my inner voice that was telling me it was time, that meat was no longer a need or want and that it was ok to say goodbye…as it turns out that goodbye would end up being temporary, but if you had told me that back then I naively would have guaranteed you my decision to stop eating meat was going to stick forever.

I have countless amounts of time and energy put into researching the pros and the cons of eating meat (another post in its self), which is probably why my decision to start eating meat again came so hard. Honestly I felt amazing when I wasn’t eating meat, I lost weight; I had lots of energy and felt this intense lightness within. Which is where the battle came in, if I start eating meat again am I going to lose all these amazing feelings, will I start feeling crappy, will I gain weight, will I lose my wellness direction? And really why would I give up these great feelings if I am unsure what the feelings on the other side are going to bring?

Well after my Dad passed away I became even more deeply immersed into this gratifying wellness world. I have now quite literally done a complete overhaul of my life, not just with my diet, I mean literally everything my entire mind, body and soul; from my cleaning supplies, to my beauty products, to meditating with crystals and having conversations with my goddess oracle cards, to becoming an intense lover of yoga, to reciting mantras daily and most importantly I have become even more aware of my inner guidance, my intuition and I have truly started listening and feeling and trusting my wise and supportive Self to tell me what she needs and wants and when.

So when my inner goddess told me she was ready to start incorporating meat back into her diet, who was I to judge that want, that need, that desire? Here I was I this self-proclaimed advocate for true inner wisdom, this advocate for self-love and this advocate for using your intuition to let you know what is best for YOU in every given moment, every given moment, not just some, all. And I judged. I judged my wants, my needs and myself, I judged the voice inside of me, I told her she didn’t really know and was just being foolish. I was not following through with my own, live life my way, happiness proclamations; I was actually doing the exact opposite of what I preach. I was doing the exact opposite of what I would tell my best friend if she came to me asking, “what should I do?”

I was tired of this internal battle, I was tired of feeling like a fraud, I so badly wanted to give into my inner self’s desires/needs, without judgement and shame and so it came down to me digging deep and finding the true source to this resistance I felt towards eating meat again.

In this resistance I found 4 things to be true

// I was scared. I was scared of this all of a sudden craving, that I felt struck me somewhat out of the blue and I needed time to let it surface and know that this was my body was telling me what I needed and not just a “I smell BBQ, OMG give me that steak”. It was important for me to know that it was a desire that came from within, that it was internal and not an outer source that came to this realization. So I did the work, I tested the craving, I took the heaviness out and in turn I became even lighter, yup the fear of losing that lightness, debunked!

// I had worked so hard for the past 4 years for what I thought was the best wellness route for me and this sudden urge to eat meat was kinda throwing a wrench into that journey. And in that wrench came the self-sabotaging thoughts and the feelings of being a fraud; I had stated over and over the reasons why I would never eat meat again and why others shouldn’t and I felt so icky I was going back on my words. But then I realized that this coming of meat was not a wrench in my journey it was just a new path along so many paths I will take in life (life is about contradictions, and heck I made them daily). It was a new leaf for me to glide along and if I didn’t see where it takes me I might miss out on something so incredible, something life changing even. And I for one do not want to miss anything life has to bring me!

// I realized life is all about ebbs and flows and changes and embracing those changes, feeling into those confusing moments and discovering the clarity that comes through the hard work of finding the source. Change needs to start being accepted because otherwise we are always pushing against ourselves and missing the bigger picture of life, the ease, the flow, the essence. Change does not need to be scary it needs to be embraced because without it life quite honestly just wouldn’t be as interesting, as growth building, as beautiful, as deeply loving.

// Labels. I’m done. Labels ultimately take away from who you can become, from who you are meant to become. They stress and restrict us into a tightly wound ball of yarn. For the past four years I had placed all of these labels onto myself, ones that when first placed made me feel like a better person but over time became exhausting, suffocating, and smothering. You see the thing I have come to learn about labels is that to me they are extremely constricting. I would wind myself up into this tiny little ball that eventually may/would start to unravel and when that happened my mean girl popped her head in with the shame, guilt, confusion and degradation. I started telling myself that I was not strong enough, not worthy enough, and not a good enough person to go through with my initial decision. Umm how is that the path to wellness?? Exactly it's not; trust, I learned I needed to trust my intuition and all that she tells me.

So as of a few months ago I called it quits on all of that self-sabotaging bullshit and said enough is enough. None of that is good for my wellbeing, in fact that is the exact opposite of what tuning into your-Self is actually meant to do. I was causing myself more stress by adding labels to everything I had to be and everything I stand for. I mean what is the point of this self-loving wellness journey if I was completely stressed out and walking on glass with every decision I was making.

I can still devote myself to yoga and meditating, to wellness and happiness, to green juice and plant-based wholesome meals and yes eat grass-fed, organic meat when my body desires it.

Bringing meat back into my life has been a mindful, conscious act. I will never again buy meat from the conventional grocery store, I source out local, grass-fed, organic meats when I do buy any and to be honest it is still not very often…I don’t want to say right now it won’t become more often because I am not taking anything off of the table (lesson learned). At the moment, I eat meat once maybe twice a week and some weeks none at all. I have learned for myself I am happier and more fulfilled with my diet when I am eating local and organic (as much as possible), plant based, wholesome real food meals, and for now a small amount of meat.

I am saying goodbye to labels and not just in my diet but in every aspect of my life, they do nothing but constrict, stress, suffocate, keep us boxed in, feeling restricted and wreak havoc on our entire being, which, with what I know to be true is much worse for our wellness than eating that grass-fed, organic, super moist, roast chicken!

From now on I want to feel wild and free in every aspect of my life. If someone asks me what I eat I am going to say what feels good to eat, what my body desires and what it is asking for that’s it, period. Maybe tomorrow it is bacon, and the next day it is green juice, maybe it is a piece of cake or maybe it is days without sugar. All I know is that I feel fucking free and I am putting my happiness and internal wisdom before anything else.

Do you have a label you want to drop? It can be anything, maybe it is the perfectionist inside who wants to let loose, colour outside of the lines even, or the adventurer who wants to settle down or the cross fit junkie who wants craves the calmness of yoga. Whatever your label may be, forget it, it does not define your entire being.

You are allowed to change with each new journey, step or direction life takes you on, it is scary and completely foreign at first but it is also filled with joy and happiness and a love that you may have never found if you stayed stuck behind a label you placed upon yourself. And those in your life that can’t accept this change are not worth having in your life anyway, period.

Feel Freedom, Feel Love, Feel Respect, Feel Within.

This is your one short and beautiful life. Don’t let opinions or labels or judgements from your-Self or others crowd out your inner guidance. Live life on your terms, let go, move on and own that shit!